***this entire blog post contains spoilers***
Try skimming over a bunch of online reviews of Diagnosis: Death (2009) and you may notice a mildly amusing trend of contradicting critiques---some reviewers claim it's a must-see for Flight of the Conchords fans simply because Bret McKenzie has a supporting role as the creepy "Doctor Cruise", Rhys Darby, has a small part, vaguely billed as "Specialist" (although "Quirky Harbinger of Unpleasant Diagnoses" is a more fitting description)and Jemaine Clement has a rather brief cameo as a concerned father with questionable ethics. Yet other reviewers indicate the paucity of collective screen time between Bret, Jemaine & Rhys is exactly the reason Flight of the Conchords fans are likely to be disappointed with the film. I've collected excerpts and links to a variety of reviews of both types, let's call them "Must-See" and "Skip this".
DISCLAIMER: Reviews featured were copied exactly as they appeared, so typographical errors are courtesy of the authors, not me!
Must-See
IMDB user agentosx writes:
"It's basically a good ol' fashioned ghost story. Funny, a bit scary at times, occasionally suspenseful: pretty much all around well done. Good acting, good plot, good production, good direction. Nothing amazing, but well worth the watch (especially if you're a Flight of the Conchords fan)!"
Another IMDB user svartrhand supports what agentosx has written with:
"I also watched it for FOTC but I'm going to keep an eye out for other stuff from this Director. I really enjoyed this movie. It is not perfect but was thoroughly enjoyable.
The humor here is a bit more subtle, less American hit you over the head with it.
Story was a basic ghost story but that isn't a bad thing when done right and IMHO they pulled it off here.
I'd also give it a solid 8/10 for a low budget genre pic."
Skip This
IMDB user sleeping_pirate is clearly captain of the "Skip This" boat:
"This is honestly one of the worst films I have ever seen. It made me laugh for all the wrong reasons: stilted dialogue; awful camera-work; and terrible acting. It makes sense that the lead actor is one of the writers... he wouldn't have been cast otherwise. Naturally, like most people, I bought this because Bret, Jemaine, and Rhys from Flight of the Conchords are in it. The fact that Jemaine and Rhys are hardly seen didn't bother me at all, the film could've still been really good without them. But it was horrendous from start to finish.
I bought this for £6 in a sale, whereas really it should have been in a bargain bin somewhere for 50p.
I'll never watch it again!"
Rotten Tomatoes user alex f gave it 1/2 a star:
"DO NOT WATCH IF YOU LIKE FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS!
what a slow paced, poorly shot, nothing about this movie is funny and jemaine clement makes a 20 second unfunny chameo... brett mckenzie isnt in a comedy role, or if he is they totally missed his comedic design.
i gave it a half star for the 30 seconds rhys darby is in it as the tactless doctor... just look up on youtube (if there) instead of wasting your time renting/buying this."
A succinct declaration of derision by Rotten Tomatoes user wretch a:
"I love bret jermaine and murry but they couldnt even save this crapfest. boooooooring"
Verdict: I honestly am still unsure as to how I feel about this movie. I'm most likely going to end up re-watching it at some point, so it was entertaining enough for a DVD that cost me less than $7.
Interpretations &/or Observations
- the brief scene with Jemaine Clement as 1/2 of a pair of sketchy, overzealous parents in the beginning may seem entirely unrelated to the plot of the movie, but it actually serves to tell the audience a bit about Andre's ethics (or lack thereof). We learn that Andre has been a teacher for 15 years, so presumably this is not the first time parents have offered him bribes in exchange for giving their children better grades. (True, the role Jemaine plays did not necessarily need to be him specifically, but I liked seeing him anyway.)
- there's a good gal vs. bad guy dynamic between Andre (morally ambiguous teacher who enjoys doing the wrong thing) and Juliet (barely legal, virginal school girl who tries to play by the rules)
- weird what-if theory about Dr. Cruise: what if he really wasn't a doctor at all, but was a mental patient pretending to be a doctor from back when the existing cancer treatment facility had been an insane asylum and Nurse Bates just kept him around for company? for example, why is it that when Juliet fakes having a seizure, Dr. Cruise seems unsure what to do at first, then tells the nurse to give her adrenaline but Nurse Bates tells him that adrenaline would interfere with the drug trial and he follows her lead? also, Dr. Cruise stares at Nurse Bates in an inquisitive way when she is with patients as if he's trying to learn basic medical procedures. They both seem like incredibly lonely people, and Bates actually characterizes her profession as a "lonely" one.
- I don't know about you, but if I saw a nurse drinking Scotch out of flask while on the clock, "professional" is not how I would describe her
Notable Scenes
- Tickle Me Elmo!!! (also shows Juliet has been curious about unconventional behavior)
- Scene by Nurse Bates' coffin, Dr. Cruise responds to Andre's murder accusation by casually affirming that Bates had "tried to kill a lot of people." also mutters about her eyebrows and describes her as "professional".
- Rhys Darby as "Specialist" being hilariously blunt while discussing a terminal diagnosis with Andre
- When Juliet & Andre are doing the horizontal mambo on the hospital bed, why are there spirits (presumably theirs?) floating above them basically showing the audience spectral porn?
- Dr. Cruise scene after the end credits...
- Andre calling out Juliet for her assuming he was a math, computer science or accounting teacher...And also clarifying that he doesn't know martial arts...(for people who do not have noticeable "foreign" physical characteristics this part may seem harsh...but trust me, I've had so many people assume that I spoke [insert any Asian language here] and some of these folks didn't bother to hide their disappointment that I couldn't be their handy translator...)
- Dr. Cruise tells Andre that it's time to change his nappies in front of Juliet, and Andre self-consciously defends his masculinity by saying "Astronauts wear nappies, and they're cool!" as he walks away.
- suppository camera shot
- Nurse Bates giving Juliet an awkward massage
"DO NOT WATCH IF YOU LIKE FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS!
what a slow paced, poorly shot, nothing about this movie is funny and jemaine clement makes a 20 second unfunny chameo... brett mckenzie isnt in a comedy role, or if he is they totally missed his comedic design.
i gave it a half star for the 30 seconds rhys darby is in it as the tactless doctor... just look up on youtube (if there) instead of wasting your time renting/buying this."
A succinct declaration of derision by Rotten Tomatoes user wretch a:
"I love bret jermaine and murry but they couldnt even save this crapfest. boooooooring"
Verdict: I honestly am still unsure as to how I feel about this movie. I'm most likely going to end up re-watching it at some point, so it was entertaining enough for a DVD that cost me less than $7.
Interpretations &/or Observations
- the brief scene with Jemaine Clement as 1/2 of a pair of sketchy, overzealous parents in the beginning may seem entirely unrelated to the plot of the movie, but it actually serves to tell the audience a bit about Andre's ethics (or lack thereof). We learn that Andre has been a teacher for 15 years, so presumably this is not the first time parents have offered him bribes in exchange for giving their children better grades. (True, the role Jemaine plays did not necessarily need to be him specifically, but I liked seeing him anyway.)
- there's a good gal vs. bad guy dynamic between Andre (morally ambiguous teacher who enjoys doing the wrong thing) and Juliet (barely legal, virginal school girl who tries to play by the rules)
- weird what-if theory about Dr. Cruise: what if he really wasn't a doctor at all, but was a mental patient pretending to be a doctor from back when the existing cancer treatment facility had been an insane asylum and Nurse Bates just kept him around for company? for example, why is it that when Juliet fakes having a seizure, Dr. Cruise seems unsure what to do at first, then tells the nurse to give her adrenaline but Nurse Bates tells him that adrenaline would interfere with the drug trial and he follows her lead? also, Dr. Cruise stares at Nurse Bates in an inquisitive way when she is with patients as if he's trying to learn basic medical procedures. They both seem like incredibly lonely people, and Bates actually characterizes her profession as a "lonely" one.
- I don't know about you, but if I saw a nurse drinking Scotch out of flask while on the clock, "professional" is not how I would describe her
Notable Scenes
- Tickle Me Elmo!!! (also shows Juliet has been curious about unconventional behavior)
- Scene by Nurse Bates' coffin, Dr. Cruise responds to Andre's murder accusation by casually affirming that Bates had "tried to kill a lot of people." also mutters about her eyebrows and describes her as "professional".
- Rhys Darby as "Specialist" being hilariously blunt while discussing a terminal diagnosis with Andre
- When Juliet & Andre are doing the horizontal mambo on the hospital bed, why are there spirits (presumably theirs?) floating above them basically showing the audience spectral porn?
- Dr. Cruise scene after the end credits...
- Andre calling out Juliet for her assuming he was a math, computer science or accounting teacher...And also clarifying that he doesn't know martial arts...(for people who do not have noticeable "foreign" physical characteristics this part may seem harsh...but trust me, I've had so many people assume that I spoke [insert any Asian language here] and some of these folks didn't bother to hide their disappointment that I couldn't be their handy translator...)
- Dr. Cruise tells Andre that it's time to change his nappies in front of Juliet, and Andre self-consciously defends his masculinity by saying "Astronauts wear nappies, and they're cool!" as he walks away.
- suppository camera shot
- Nurse Bates giving Juliet an awkward massage
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